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Self-Respect > Self-Esteem
Self-Respect > Self-Esteem
We all want our children to succeed in life, and we ourselves want to be successful. It is a frequent thought in the minds of parents to consider what opportunities we can help our children find, what aspects of good character we can instill in them, and how we might help them accomplish what is important to them. This is well and good — only a scoundrel would not want goodness to come to their family. Another thing seems to go hand in hand with the search for success: having high self-esteem. How many times have you been told that the most important thing a person can do is have high self-esteem? I want to challenge our thinking on that from a biblical perspective.
What does it mean to esteem something? Paul uses that word in Philippians 2:3 saying, “Let nothing be done through strife or vainglory; but in lowliness of mind let each esteem other better than themselves” (KJV). The NIV says, “… in humility value others above yourselves.” From this verse (and from a good dictionary) we can learn that esteem means to think highly of something, all the while humbling ourself. It is interesting that Paul says the opposite of esteeming others is selfishness and conceit.
We would do well to heed the words of God, not just “because God said so,” but because — as in every case — God’s instructions are for our own good! God lets us know beyond a shadow of a doubt, many times in Scripture that the way to a good, happy, successful life in His service is through humility. As self-esteem grows, respect for others diminishes. As Henry Ward Beecher said, “A proud man is seldom a grateful man, for he never thinks he gets as much as he deserves.” A self-exalting attitude can permeate even the life of a Christian.
Let us redirect our thoughts and our wording on the subject of self-image. We should shift from having high self-esteem to having high self-respect, or integrity. At the root of self-respect is understanding that all men are created in the image of God. From that idea flows love, honesty, integrity, kindness, and all things good. Jesus sums up the law by teaching we ought to love God with our all, and love our neighbors as ourselves (cf. Matthew 22:34-40). Implicit in this is that we actually show preference to the wants and needs of others. If I and my neighbor want the same thing, and I love that neighbor as myself, humble myself and give preference to that neighbor, I learn to sacrifice my wants. I learn to truly love others the way Jesus did.
Ask yourself what you really want: children who grow up with mixed messages about what position they ought to hold in society, the home, the church; or children who grow up believing what the Bible says: that others should be valued above self, that the servant will be greatest, the last shall be first, and that through emptying ourselves we grow closer to God?
